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Rally – Season 9, Episode 17

It’s the beginning of the end, for real this time. Jenn here to usher you through this anguish. Tonight’s episode was based around the concept of rallying after a hangover, just one of many stories that Future Ted overshares with.

We open with New Years Eve 2021 – Ted and Mother. Cute perfection and it’s great to learn that Mother is indeed trying to end poverty; she has an acclaimed (according to Ted) book about the subject coming out. The Mother warns Ted about partying too hard, but Ted remind her of the vow he made the morning of Barney and Robin’s wedding thanks to Barney’s drunk ass.

As you all may recall we last saw the gang looking for a missing Barney who wound up getting blitzed. So much so Barney only remembers bits of pieces of the early morning hours of his wedding day including ice water, a bear, stairs, and Robin and Lily kissing.

The gang recalls that Barney had a hangover cure: Stinson’s Hangover Fixer Elixir, which clearly coming with a fake history lesson. The elixir all worked for them so using combined memories they list all the ingredients, except there was a secret ingredient Barney never told anyone and it becomes Robin and Lily’s job to get Barney to spill the beans. Which leads to Barney falling down the stairs while atop a room service tray cart. Robin using some tricks her Dad used on her to wake up on Barney including: dunking his head in a tub of ice water, making him watch youtube videos of a bear roaring, and threatening to cut on his tie, except in Robin’s case it was with her Cabbage Patch Doll and an ax. As a last resort Robin agrees to make out with Lily and Lily gets super excited and awkward. The kiss does in fact bring Barney to enough consciousness to tell the gang that the elixir is a lie.

Marshall and Ted are tasked with getting all the known ingredients and they get everything easily except grease. The only grease at the Far Hampton Inn is from the bacon and the chef is being difficult so Ted is challenged by Marshall to eat the bacon. We learn that Ted grew up thinking he was allergic to bacon and other magical yummies because he’s mother is a lying whore.

Most of episode if comprised of the gang’s past stories of drinking Barney’s Elixer and Future stories of breaking their vow now to get elixir worthy drunk again. Let’s take this by each member of the gang:

Marshall – Past (6 years ago):  The morning of day 2 of the bar. / Future (2020):  New York State Supreme Court Election night. It’s only 6 years away yet Lily and Marshall look OLD.

Ted – Past (4 and a half years ago): The morning after Stella left him at the altar. / Future (2022): New Years Day, except it’s not him that’s hungover it’s the Mother.

Lily – Past (2 years ago): The morning of Lily’s class fieldtrip to the Jack Hammer and Siren Museum. / Future (2030): The day the move Marvin into college.

Robin – Past: (1 and a half years ago): The morning of her first day back on their air. / Future (2016): Buenos Aires, Argentina. Robin and Barney both with wedding rings are in a room with a baby ::gasp:: that turns out belongs to the woman in the room across the hall, which is where this drunk asses wound up

The moral of the story is Barney made up the elixir because he loves his friends. He wanted them to believe they could rally and they did.

We then flashforward again to New Years Day 2022. Mother is hungover and Ted gives her Barney’s elixir to help her rally. It’s all pure cuteness and then little Penny and Luke run into the room, which literally (not figuratively) made my heart explode. Okay it was figuratively, but still.

Legendary Lines

  • Robin: My father’s recipe for a Bloody Mary trades out tomato juice for wolf’s blood.
  • Marshall: Come again for Judge Fudge.
  • Lily/Marvin: You so of a me/bitch.
  • Ted: Dude you’re a grown man why are you throwing a tantrum.
  • Ted: How could you mom! You had the map to heaven and you never showed me the way, may you rot in the bacon-less hell I’ve lived in my entire life
  • Ted: Why do you know what sea monkeys taste like.    /   Marshall: My brothers are not the best people.

Moments of Awesomeness

  • Passed out Barney on the floor with his hand in his shoes
  • Barney is going to Robin’s HUSBAND tomorrow (hopefully)
  • Marshall running against BRAD for NY Supreme Court in 2020
  • The Too Many Manhattans Project
  • The Weekend at Barney’s wedding pictures
  • Ted growling like a rabid dog when Marshall reaches for some bacon (Ted sounded exactly like my dog when he goes all “Tazmanian Devil”)

Callbacks

  • Barney’s superpower that he can’t take a bad photo
  • Barney’s wish to recreate Weekend at Bernie’s with him

Re-Return

Robin suggests kissing Lily again. Yet in a role reversal Lily turns her down and Robin is the stupid awkward one.

Lingering Questions

  • I wonder if younger people watch the opening credits and don’t know what a disposable camera is like the one Lily is holding?
  • How come Ted and Mother look so young and fabulous in 2022 and yet Marshall and Lily look really old in 2020? Tough break Ericksens.
  • What’s your hangover cure? (Mine is advil and powerade)